I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
