i barfeds in our rink
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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