Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?

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(905): View more from Toronto

No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags

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(361): View more from Texas

is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

(702): View more from Nevada

not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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(207): View more from Maine

her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

True on all accounts.

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(514): View more from Quebec

fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.

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