I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
