Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
