Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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