i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
