Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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