how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
