he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
