I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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