She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
