Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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