one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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