Your dad touched me again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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