I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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