oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
