You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
