You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
