I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
