my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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