I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
