I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
