I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
