After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
