38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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