I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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