Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
