Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
