I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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