Non-Jews are for practice
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
