i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
