Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
