I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
