she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
