Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
