I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
