i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
