Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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