If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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