Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
