I'm going to jail i love you
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
