drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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