Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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