i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
