I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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