She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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