so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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