She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
