How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
