My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
